i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
