just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Fuck appropriateness.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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