with your own penis?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
