And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
