New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
