next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
