i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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