So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
