Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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