i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She's the barista slut.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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