Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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