In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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