wrigley field is MILF paradise
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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