Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
