Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
