I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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