I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
