So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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