when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
