so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
