the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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