Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
