I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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