As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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