Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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