My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
