Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Non-Jews are for practice
so let's talk penis.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
MIDGETS
????
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
