dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
