she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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