Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
