Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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