Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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