so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
