You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
