you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
