What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
