brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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