Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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