Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
