1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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