I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
there's paper in my vomit.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
