I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
