I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
