i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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