I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
