6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
