Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
