I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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