I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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