Barsexuality is the new black.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
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