If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
