If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well I just put wine in my tea
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
