Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
