His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
