i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
