I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
