he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
