Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
