WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
