I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
