quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
