I think I died a long time ago.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
