Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
