I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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