If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
