i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
