did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
