What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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