My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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