Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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