The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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