i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
