You're a womanizer and a bitch.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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