where am i from again
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize