Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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